and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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