So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
