Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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