her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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