My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
