I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
