i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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