I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
