She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
