South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
