Nicole vs. Life
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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