also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
