I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
