i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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