my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
