i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
