You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
