Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
