shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
