He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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