I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i need some magic done to my vagina
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
