This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
