Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
