i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
