I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
