If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
