There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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