Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
