i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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