after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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