so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
