The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i now understand why vodka
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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