M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
