We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
