So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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