Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
