i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
