Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
