apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
