so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
