I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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