K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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