on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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