I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
