hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
