Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
