I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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