He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
