Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
