Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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